Those who seek wisdom will find that one pointed concentration becomes extremely difficult due to countless formations that seem to cloud the point – the object of concentration.
In fact the meditation itself is the distraction to the mental formations, which mental formations maybe anything, from solving a problem to anger. This is what people do when they seek the therapy of meditation for relief from stress.
And, those who seek wisdom will find that the point is so very illusive, so much so, that they try harder and harder and harder and longer hours to achieve one-pointedness.
Both are a contrivance by the ego to sustain itself - that is, where one or the other becomes the distraction, that is meditation a distraction to mental formations and mental formations a distraction to meditation.
It is the ego that commissioned both the meditation and the formations. So long as “I” (self) focuses on the point the sense of “I” will be reinforced.
When we are not distracted by a problem we create a problem to distract ourselves. The self continues to sustain itself through its own creations.
I remember long years ago an astrologer told me that when times are bad create a problem for yourself so you can control what you create. She in fact told me the coming times were bad for me, and suggested that I should take a loan and buy a house so I would be struggling to pay back the loan. What she was, in fact, telling me was that by doing so I would be keeping my mind occupied and that the occupying mind would distract the mind from being occupied in other things, by other means.
I have often told people when I help them that “I don’t know why I am helping you but I am helping you anyway”. It would seem that my gesture is just given from a good place, out of pure altruism. Is this so? Although the other person is benefiting it would appear I do too.
By helping this other person I am creating myself, reinforcing my self, making it a purpose for my existence. Excessive altruism is one such distraction. The self continues to sustain itself through its own creations.
Sometimes such creations can dangerously threaten the existence of self. It is a strange phenomenon. We need a problem to live, when there is no problem there is no life. And then to get away from that problem we distract ourselves by creating yet another problem, or indulge in some other activity, that distracts us from what we are doing.
When a series of such events take place both the active mind and the restive mind become suspended in these creations. Then focusing on anything, focusing on something, focusing on one point with one-pointedness in a place devoid of these creations, these mental arising, these mental formations, becomes very difficult.
If we dissolve the sense of self then immediately objects that hover and cloud the mind seem to dissolve themselves.
As I have very often found, if I start my analytic meditation practice first, such as the practice of the heart sutra, the subsequent concentrated meditation becomes extremely easy as the mind seem to be devoid of all these mental coverings that would have otherwise clouded the point of concentration.
So here we can begin to find ourselves, our ego self that considers itself as an independent entity, which seem to derive itself from what we see, the forms we see, the feelings that result, the perceptions that we have and the emotions that we experience. We can see this when we observe our mind jumping from one to another.
And, by carefully analyzing this what becomes evident is that the self reinforces its self by everything we think. The self describes it and defines itself from its habits and views and the conceptualizes an identity, a vacuous sense of self, and considers itself as possessing a determinate identity by referring to form, feelings, perceptions, experience and emotions.
What I have now attempted to do is to deconstruct myself - a self, the sakkaya, a self-identity (skkaya diththi), that I could not find before.
In this deconstruct what could be found is that we are all made up of a self of dreams, of distractions, of activities that keep us suspended on a series of tenterhooks - tenterhooks of suspension, without which the self will fall. These suspensions are mounted on winds of the poisons of desire and attachment, aversion and hatred, pride, jealousy and ignorance.
Winds are energy that makes up the being, which usually converges on the upper part of the body on the left and right channels when one is engaged in the functional (kriya) mind. These winds can be defused and made to enter the central channel through any one of the eight doors, a door being a place at which the left and right channel opens in to the central channel.
In fact when I analyze myself this way, at this very moment, my mind becomes so comfortable because much of what was keeping me suspended seem to magically vanish, recede, and all the tightness around my neck seem to ease.
When I look at it further, it becomes very clear that all our activities will fit into the three things that the Buddha stated when he defined a sakkaya or a “self being” as one who is constituted of sakkaya ditthi (views), of vicci kicca (doubts), and of seelabatha paramasa (a creature of habit, adherence to rituals and observances). It is what keeps me going, what “I am” and what both keeps me alive and makes it impossible to keep myself alive. Thus I am born. Thus I live. And, thus I will relive.
Note:
- Sakkaya Ditthi is the notion of a self, the notion of a permanent entity, the notion of a soul (not exactly a soul), the one behind it all, the "I", "myself", "me", "mine". It arises as we take the 5 aggregates of matter, feeling, perception, mental states and consciousness, as self – the psychophysical self, of mind and matter. I have a strong desire for existence and continued existence. I have a tendency to flee whatever is inimical is painful and take steps to protect my self and so may have greed and jealousy. I have wrong views of what it is, and I think I know what is, and also I alone known what it is, conceitedly.
- Doubt (vicci kicca) examined in relation to the state of my “self” would reveal that my mental agitation, my restlessness, is consequent to the bad feelings, negative perceptions and mental states that arise from my mind examining the self vis-à-vis the past - past experiences, retrospection, and future - consequences in the future, speculation, and also of both the past and the future taken together. This happens all the time. I have no escape from it. So I need to be mindful of it and try let go what arises, with wise consideration, knowing why and how they arise. This degree of awareness is most important.
- Silabbata paramasa refers to a broad range of things. Silabbata is the notion of moral duty (as the word sila conveys) and covers religious duty, observances, rites, practices, and customs. Paramasa means adherence or attachment to them with a wrong view (misapprehension). It is in a sense also our sense of right and wrong, what we fall back on, and by which we live our lives. And as much as it is an observation of rules and rituals it is also the template against which we measure all things that we encounter.
No comments:
Post a Comment